Doubly blessed ...

Melissa called to let Ethan "talk" with his Nana the other day. She would say, "Can you talk to Nana?" and we would wait ... and wait.

Then I would say, "Hey, little guy ... Nana loves you..." More silence. A few moments later I heard a little chortle and sigh, then he began goo-ing.

For some reason, he loves diaper time ... it's a chance to get Mom's full attention, and when she leans over the changing table, she's so close he can almost touch her face!

When I was in their home, I loved watching this interaction. Melissa would say something to Ethan and then pause and wait a moment. Then she'd say something else and ask, "So what do you think about that?" Again, she would wait for him to make an attempt to "talk."

He would wriggle and arch his back, straining to get closer to his Mommy. Those eyes were "talking" even if his little mouth couldn't form the words. Melissa told me she'd read that most of us hold one-sided conversations with babies and don't ever pause to show them it's their turn to respond ... so she tries to do that.

Back to her phone call. As Melissa prompted and then paused, I could imagine his eyes dancing with joy at her loving attention. Then, a sudden sigh with a "gooooooo" tucked on the end. Then another... and soon, an "Ah goooooo..." which I interpreted to mean "I'm good." Just four months old, and he already knows how to charm us all.

Not that this Nana and Papaw need any excuses ... we are two sappy people when it comes to the adventure of grandparenting. It's such a blessing and joy to our hearts, and we thank the Lord for Ethan. He is one of those good gifts God has bestowed upon us.

Speaking of the Lord's good gifts, our son called home yesterday and told us the doctor said our daughter in law is nearing her 32nd week of pregnancy. She's doing well, and their baby (a boy) is growing just fine.

How can two people be so very blessed? God has given us two grandsons whose birthdays will be within six months of each other! I think they'll be great buddies when we gather for family reunions in the years ahead. We are indeed rich as grandparents. I can't wait to introduce you to our next little fella!

The Separation Solution

When our sons were younger, they usually played quite well together -- whether it was building forts, playing with GI Joe's, riding their bikes or constructing castles with LEGOS, they were together more often than not. On those occasions when they were being selfish or cranky, bickering and tattling, I stepped in.

"Go to your own rooms and shut the doors. No talking through the walls, no looking out your doors. You cannot speak to each other for one hour."

Lest you think I was a complete ogre, they were allowed to read or play quietly on their own.

This accomplished two things. The innocent one (if there was an innocent) got some relief and a bit of time to play alone! It also served as a bit of reverse psychology. Knowing they could NOT be together made them WANT to be together more than anything! Ah, the fickle heart.

I could hear them (even through closed doors) heaving these long sighs and knew the reality had set in. They were thinking deep thoughts and probably mulling over the wisdom of being nice to each other. Maybe having a brother wasn't so bad after all... they needed each other, right? Good biking buddies, fort builders, game partners, and more.

Who knows ... maybe they were just thinking they didn't need each other as much as they needed one another's share of the LEGOS, Lincoln Logs or GI Joe's.

Whatever was going on in their little heads, the separation solution worked wonders. At least once during the hour, I was summoned by one or the other (or both.)

"Mom?'

"Yes."

"How much longer?"

"You've still got 25 minutes until the timer dings."

More long sighs ... and occasionally, a muttering complaint about how stupid they had been to argue. When the timer in the kitchen finally dinged, both boys exploded out of their rooms and grabbed one another in a bear hug.

"C'mon, bubby! Bring your GI Joe's over to my room ..."

"Yeah, and we can build a big fort to put 'em in!"

... Sweet music to a mother's ears. I guess the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" really is true - or, rephrased, "Separation from your brother when you wanna borrow his GI Joe's is almost unbearable."

How fifteen pounds can change your life ....

Today, Ethan is 4 months old and weighs 15 pounds!

What a joy it's been to experience grandparenting this child. Even though we've only been with him on a dozen occasions, every moment of those hours and days was packed full of bonding and a precious emotional attachment. He's changed my life!

It's amazing how a grandchild makes you want to take better care of yourself. I've been walking more, eating less (most of the time), exercising on our Bowflex and trying, in general, to stay fit. How is it a 15-pound baby could bring about such drastic changes in his Nana's life!?

It's quite simple, really -- I want to be around to see him grow up! It's amazing the things he's taught me in the past four months. I often look at something and wonder how he would see it. I hear something that I'd like him to hear, I smell cookies and think of baking cookies for him some day.

This little guy has been quite a teacher without ever saying a word. The way he notices every little sound, or gets excited when he sees a shiny object reminds me how important it is to see things through the eyes of a child. They look with eyes of wonder on what has become, to grownups, all too common in our mad rush through each day.

Consider, for instance, the delicate wings of a butterfly ... the speed of a hummingbird or the slow determination of a turtle crossing the road ... the glorious sunrises and sunsets that streak a summer sky and the black drop of night skies punctuated with silver stars. Children notice.

I also want to listen for sounds with the ears of a young child -- hearing and really listening to the marvelous creation and the people and things within it ...

Listen to the sound of a whippoorwill in the darkness... or children laughing in a neighbor's yard ... and the mockingbird's solo from his perch on the telephone pole. Hear the whistle of a train in the distance and the whinny of the neighbor's horse. Even the simple drip of a faucet is noticed by little children.

It's amazing how fifteen pounds can change your life. Thanks, Ethan, for being Nana's teacher. Have a happy 4-month celebration with Mommy and Daddy, okay? Papaw and I love you!

Three years!

Today, July 22, is their third wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that much time has passed since I saw our lovely daughter smile her way down the aisle on her Daddy's arm.

I was so happy for her I couldn't help crying. She was such a beautiful bride and had waited so long for the right man. On that day three years ago, he was waiting for her -- at the front of the church. It was a beautiful wedding in every way.

So many people gifted them by sharing their God-given talents on that special day. Lovely little nosegays arranged by a dear friend hung on the end of pews ... an arch and columns loaned by a relative ... a wedding cake made by a friend ... a banquet table full of homemade cakes (!) that were the talk of the reception ... a photographer that's known our daughter since she was ten years old ... another friend who video-taped the ceremony as a gift... a group of ladies who love to serve, busily coordinating things in the church kitchen ... it was a lovely day all around.

"It's gone by so fast," she told me on the phone yesterday.

Life happens, and when you stop to notice, another week or month (or year!) has slipped past. Today, they celebrated their marriage and -- I suspect -- reminisced about the goodness of God in bringing them together. I'm sure they also did a rundown of the special events that have taken place in their lives -- one extra-special one the birth and joy of little Ethan! This Nana is guessing he gave them the only gift he could give (and a fitting one) on their special day -- bright eyes and happy smiles.

The photo above was taken a year after they married. I snapped it as they looked out over the bay, arms and hearts entwined. It seemed to depict something far grander than a couple looking over the bay. I dubbed it "We Look Forward." Together, as a couple, they would face the future and the many adventures it held for them.

A lot of water has lapped the shore since this was taken. They've moved twice and had a baby. Now they're starting a brand new year together as husband and wife -- still so much in love with one another. Happy Anniversary, kiddos! We love you and will be praying for health and happiness in the year ahead. We're so very thankful the Lord brought the two of you together. (And made you a threesome!)

Love, Mom and Dad

The fifth child ...

The young couple had four daughters. When a fifth baby was due, there was great hope it would be a son. All during the woman's pregnancy, the thought was there -- she wanted to give her husband a son this time!

On a cold November day in the early hours of morning, the mother awoke and "just knew" she needed to get to the hospital. Since her husband was across town working a night shift, she called her next-door neighbors. They came over and took charge -- the woman stayed with four little girls, and the man loaded a very pregnant, in-serious-labor woman into the back seat of his car.

He happened to be a deputy, and his car happened to be equipped with a siren and flashing lights... so there was no problem getting her to the hospital on time!

The baby was delivered without incident at 7:10 a.m. The father had arrived by that time and anxiously awaited news. When the doctor came out, he told him his wife was fine. His little baby girl was also doing well. Yes - another daughter. The gender scales in his household were seriously tipped to the feminine side: 6-1 now!

What emotions struggled in that father's chest on receiving the news? Some disappointment? A bit of resignation to the fact he would have no sons? Possibly. But he was a good man, a good husband and a good father. He thanked God for a safe delivery and another healthy baby.

It had been an eventful day with a dramatic start. That father named his little girl Nancy Lorraine Keltie. Her family calls her Nan. That's how I started my life -- delivered to the hospital with sirens blaring. Maybe that's why I've always been a gal of action with a flair for the dramatic!

Long-distance Nana

Our daughter and son-in-law came through late last night with little Ethan. They are moving to Florida, which means they will be twice as far away as they were before. After a short night and a bit of Ethan-cuddling, my emotions were doing flip-flops. When my hubby held him and I took this photo, my heart nearly melted.

We're going to miss this little guy. Since he was born in March, I've personally made at least three trips to their home (4 hours away) and they've been in our home on three occasions. Plus, dear hubby and I have gone up together twice, so that means in his short life (3 months), we been blessed to cuddle and coo with our grandson on many occasions. I realize there are many grandparents who don't have this privilege, so I appreciate the blessing of knowing Ethan.

Every time we've said goodbye in the past, it felt like a part of my heart was left behind, still connected with this child's heart. He has always had such a grown-up look in his eyes, as if he understands everything I say to him. We've shared a lot of special moments, the two of us. I've walked and rocked him through those first few weeks after his birth when Mommy needed a bit of sleep. Most nights, he fell asleep on my tummy while I rested on the couch.

Now, a big chunk of my heart is moving eight hours south to Florida. I'm sure Ethan will change a lot before our next together-time. During our last moments together this morning, he gazed into my eyes and seemed to understand I was having a tough time disconnecting. In the past, he's grinned and chortled, but this morning, he had an almost wise look in his eyes ... a look that said, "It's going to be okay, Nana ... "

Forgive my pitiful post. I'm hurting, but I'm also happy for my kids. Do hurt and happy go together? I think so in this case. I'm hurting to say goodbye to them, but happy they have a lovely home to move into when their furniture is delivered. I'm also happy they will be closer to Ethan's other grandparents -- Nonny and Papa -- so they can love on him more often. They're precious people and Ethan needs to know them better.

So I have to grow up and get used to being a long-distance Nana. I shouldn't whine too much -- my own mother has been a long-distance Grandma to most of her grands and great-grands. She's handled it with grace, and I want to do that, too.

When our children were little, we lived 10 hours drive away, so I made it a point to send her and my Dad (who's now in heaven) audio tapes, video tapes and lots of cards and letters scribbled by little hands. Now it's my turn to be a long-distance Nana. Knowing our daughter, she'll be a good little scribe and make sure we keep up with our grandson's development.

While Florida is only (!) eight hours away, it seems much further somehow. Maybe because a part of my heart went out the door with little Ethan this morning. Okay, it's time to put on my little blue engine attitude -- I can do this. At least I think I can ... I think I can ... I think I can ...

Parenting by Phone ...

How does one parent by phone?

Some parents are, on occasion, separated from their children due to military deployment or long-term hospitalization. Others are away from home due to job-related travel and similar circumstances. Other parents are at the other end of the line due to divorce or separation. These parents find themselves parenting by phone. Hopefully, they do so faithfully so their children will still feel they are loved and connected.

Then there are those children who have grown and left the nest. How does one parent by phone then, and how do we do it in a way that encourages our children to stay connected? This is a whole new ballgame we're talking here. The turf is unfamiliar and the home stadium is echoing with an eerie silence.

It's not the same as hands-on parenting. When raising your children, they sleep under your roof and stick their little feet under your table. You don't have to wonder what your children are doing, feeling, thinking, planning -- usually! Because you are connected pretty much 24/7, you can read their little hearts by looking into their faces.

Parents with young children at home have a lot of responsibility -- and many privileges. They get to see their sleepy smiles, watch their eyes light with discovery, hear them whisper, giggle and even guffaw now and then. We wipe their tears away, bandage their boo-boos and are on call as parent, counselor, nurse, teacher and official cleaner-upper.

When your children live away and you see them less frequently, you take a quick course called "Parenting by Phone 101." The professor is life, the course is difficult and the grades are awarded by the children themselves.

Parenting by phone doesn't mean you call them five times a day (or even every day) just to "check on them." Because they are growing and maturing and learning how to live life on their own, you give them a little breathing space. You've had 18 years to impact their lives, and now is the time the love and life lessons you poured into them comes into play. So you step back a bit.

Especially if they are married, you must (!) respect their priorities and schedules and try not to hover or hound them. You must often squelch the temptation to put on your Mommy robe, grab the phone and growl, "Just wondered if you were still breathing ... "

This parenting-by-phone thing also means loving your children in creative ways. If you can't see them in person, you love and support them via email, snail mail, UPS, Fed Ex, and any other means available. If a friend is going their way and calls to offer delivering a basket of fresh-baked goodies, by all means grab your apron and get in the kitchen fast! Try to avoid putting ads in the paper to ask strangers who are going that direction to deliver you and/or your goods.

Parenting by phone means you remember their birthdays, but you don't necessarily wait for calendar dates to do something special. I have been known to send a package of goodies or sillies just to get a toe in their front door now and then -- via Fed Ex. They open it, laugh at it or gobble it up. And then their conscience stirs and they gasp, "Mom ... I've got to call Mom!" This is known as creative parenting.

As we parent by phone, we find ourselves listening "between the lines." Are they discouraged? Do they seem extremely fatigued? Are they a little depressed? This is where it gets a bit touchy. You must not play the part of an overly-concerned parent and assume your child wants a mother-load of wisdom. "I told you to take your vitamins..."

Next time, caller ID will betray you when the urge to check in and counsel overcomes you -- and they may decide not to pick up the phone. Hang in there, moms, they know you are just a phone call away if they need you. Tuck in your chin, throw your shoulders back and repeat after me ... "I will not hound my child, I will not hound my child..."

Parenting by phone is extremely difficult when your child is injured or ill. Do you jump in the car or grab a flight and just go? If someone's life is in danger, you hang up the phone and make plans to go. And as you go, you remind yourself to respect the position and privileges of the spouse, if your child is married. This is not the time to take charge and give advice on medical situations without weighing the results very carefully. In other words, you won't don your Mommy robe and assume your child is waiting for you to make these decisions. Your biggest role is to just be there, quietly supporting your child and his/her family.

If they are not in danger, but they've got the cruddy ol' flu or have fallen and broken a leg or have a possible kidney stone, you give them the chance to ask you to come. If they don't, you remind them that you are only a phone call away if they need you. In other words, you respect their ability to handle a tough situation as an adult. They might ask you to come, and they might not. That's the tough part of being a parent -- giving up the right to take charge.

Parenting by phone is possible, even if it's not as much fun. Yes, you will miss out on those megawatt smiles, but you can still see them in your mind's eye when they call to share good news! You may not be there when they are exhausted or sick, but you can still send some good ol' homemade encouragement via packages or handwritten letters and cards. Today, these are considered rare and precious gifts in one's mailbox.

But mostly, parenting by phone means listening. You are a sounding board for this fine adult you've raised, and their keeping the lines of communication is a way of saying you did a great job. There will be times when you are asked for personal input. Take a very deep breath before you open your mouth. While you are exhaling, remember the invitation to advise is a privilege and not a right. Proceed with care.

Parenting by phone means you are unable to see their faces -- but after all these years, you can still read their hearts. As the conversation winds down and you anticipate the goodbye and disconnect, there is one other requirement for those who parent by phone ...

You never hang up without giving your child what they really called for all along ... a sincere, heart-felt "I love you ... "

Let freedom ring!

What does freedom mean to you? To many, freedom means having choices, such as having the right and privilege to choose one's own friends, career, church, place to live, etc.

There are still many people that have few (or none) of these choices. That ought to give us pause to think ... and to pray for them. What a blessing it is to live without fear of persecution! What a privilege to vote and take part in our communities, states and nation.

We take far too many things for granted, don't we? On this July 4th -- and every other day -- I don't want to forget those men, women and children who are abused and tortured because they disagree with the "powers that be." I don't want to forget those who sacrificed their all so I could have the freedom I still enjoy today.

On a much lighter note ... it's also a privilege and joy to celebrate July 4th with those we love. We have the freedom to make our own choices: Will we eat out or cook out? Go fishing or hiking? Swimming or sailing? Travel or not? View the parade or shop the mall? Go to the river to watch the big fireworks display -- or produce our own show in the backyard? So many choices -- and the freedom to make them.

When our children were small, we tried to make the day special day since Daddy was off work and it was a holiday. In the photo here, you'll see little patriotic hats they made on their own with bits of construction paper and glue. I would usually bake special treats to decorate, and we'd plan special ventures to the park or lake for a picnic. We also tried to include a brief discussion about what "freedom" means. Our children were too young to really understand the concept of freedom but they sure did enjoy the celebration of freedom!

The main event would take place that evening. Before the sun slid behind the horizon, the child would beg their Daddy to get out the sparklers so they could wave them around and "write" their names in the air. The simple fireworks their Daddy helped them choose were fun, too. I enjoyed watching them while they watched their little fireworks dance, pop, twist or whistle. Then, when the tame fireworks ran out, we all watched Phillip (a.k.a. Daddy) shoot off Roman candles and other "adults-only" fireworks. I would slip into the house near the end of the show and dip ice cream to enjoy after the grand finale.

Hope all of you have a wonderful holiday -- wherever you are. Stay safe, enjoy your family and friends and remember to thank God for the freedoms we still have ... and whisper a prayer for those that don't know the freedom of having freedom. I pray one day they will know what it is. Then, along with the rest of us, they can sing from the heart, "Let freedom ring!"