Jason Cody

Jason Cody enjoys his little vehicles

"Hi, Nana!" Jason Cody yells into the phone ...

It's always good to hear that sweet little voice, and it's okay that he's talking loud enough for Nana to haer him 750 miles away.  He's probably partly excited because he got to punch numbers in on Daddy's phone to make the call!

During our calls, we often talk about things with wheels, because Jason Cody is fascinated with things-that-go. If it has tires or wheels, it's got a place in his heart, and he is well supplied with things that roll ...

Like Thomas the Train and all his friends, a cute yellow school bus, a red firetruck, some snazzy race cars, a favorite white truck that even goes to the park with him sometimes, and a noisy dump truck that grinds its gears and races around the room attacking toes as it goes. 

Ah, the joys of being a grandmother are numerous!  I love it when we visit and where Phillip and I are known as "Papaw and Nana." I love the warm cuddles with storybooks, the smell of baby shampoo, the soft sweep of long eyelashes against a rosy cheek and the feel of a little hand in mine. I also love watching Papaw play trains and hide-and-seek games while I take pictures.  He wears the grandpa mantle well and loves his grandson dearly.

Around 7:30 each evening, there are precious bear hugs, snuggles and kisses before bath and bedtime. We've also learned that we are prayed for daily by this little man - from nose to toes!  That's pretty comforting, knowing our body parts are bathed in sincere petitions to the Heavenly Father.  At our age, we especially need that.  ;-)

Next morning about 6:30, I hear a little voice in the nursery next to the guest room where we sleep.  Jason Cody is chatting to Scout, his stuffed sleep buddy.  After a bit, I hear him call out to Mommy and Daddy.  That's my cue.  I slip in and whisper, "Can Nana change your diaper and then take you downstairs to play?" He grins and says quietly, "Yeah."  I like having those sweet little arms wrap around my neck as I pick him up.

There are only two things I don't like about being a Nana -- the number of highway miles between us and the fact we average seeing him only three times a year.

Playing at the park near their home

Jason Cody does a lot of growing between our visits, and his vocabulary seems to increase ten- fold. Now he's counting to 15 by himself and knows some simple math, plus he is learning the pledge of allegiance.  Hey, even a two-year-old could teach Congress a few things, right?

 Being a Nana also takes me back to the days when our own children were this size. I'll admit there were days I used to think would go on forever and I might be swallowed whole while trying to keep up with three little ones.

Laundry could pile up like a mini Mt. Everest. Sticky hand prints were on a wipe-one-off-get-two-more-free basis.  Back then it was too easy to focus on what I had left to do -- and see my children as interruptions.  When that happens, you miss a lot of sweet spots along the way.

I've grown up a lot since then, and as a Nana, I am free to slow down, relax and enjoy every minute of time I have with my son's son.  I am more patient now than I was when his Daddy was two.  Boo-boos and spills aren't a big deal anymore.  Just a quick swipe with a clean rag, and you're done. Maybe I've just learned to roll with the punches.

Hiding inside a big, colorful box!

 Thanks for your sweet and funny calls, Jason Cody. They make Nana smile inside and out! Thank you, too, for praying for Papaw and me.  We pray for you, too, and we're very proud of you for sitting quietly in big church with your Mommy and Daddy.  They are teaching you to honor the Lord just like their parents taught them at your age.  And that's a very good thing.

Papaw and I can't wait to see you again -- real soon!  Until then, remember we love you all the way from Alabama to Virginia -- and that's a lot!

(P.S. Your cousin Ethan called.  I'll write about him next in my next blog, okay?)  

Your Papaw and Nana love you! 

Parenting by Phone ...

How does one parent by phone?

Some parents are, on occasion, separated from their children due to military deployment or long-term hospitalization. Others are away from home due to job-related travel and similar circumstances. Other parents are at the other end of the line due to divorce or separation. These parents find themselves parenting by phone. Hopefully, they do so faithfully so their children will still feel they are loved and connected.

Then there are those children who have grown and left the nest. How does one parent by phone then, and how do we do it in a way that encourages our children to stay connected? This is a whole new ballgame we're talking here. The turf is unfamiliar and the home stadium is echoing with an eerie silence.

It's not the same as hands-on parenting. When raising your children, they sleep under your roof and stick their little feet under your table. You don't have to wonder what your children are doing, feeling, thinking, planning -- usually! Because you are connected pretty much 24/7, you can read their little hearts by looking into their faces.

Parents with young children at home have a lot of responsibility -- and many privileges. They get to see their sleepy smiles, watch their eyes light with discovery, hear them whisper, giggle and even guffaw now and then. We wipe their tears away, bandage their boo-boos and are on call as parent, counselor, nurse, teacher and official cleaner-upper.

When your children live away and you see them less frequently, you take a quick course called "Parenting by Phone 101." The professor is life, the course is difficult and the grades are awarded by the children themselves.

Parenting by phone doesn't mean you call them five times a day (or even every day) just to "check on them." Because they are growing and maturing and learning how to live life on their own, you give them a little breathing space. You've had 18 years to impact their lives, and now is the time the love and life lessons you poured into them comes into play. So you step back a bit.

Especially if they are married, you must (!) respect their priorities and schedules and try not to hover or hound them. You must often squelch the temptation to put on your Mommy robe, grab the phone and growl, "Just wondered if you were still breathing ... "

This parenting-by-phone thing also means loving your children in creative ways. If you can't see them in person, you love and support them via email, snail mail, UPS, Fed Ex, and any other means available. If a friend is going their way and calls to offer delivering a basket of fresh-baked goodies, by all means grab your apron and get in the kitchen fast! Try to avoid putting ads in the paper to ask strangers who are going that direction to deliver you and/or your goods.

Parenting by phone means you remember their birthdays, but you don't necessarily wait for calendar dates to do something special. I have been known to send a package of goodies or sillies just to get a toe in their front door now and then -- via Fed Ex. They open it, laugh at it or gobble it up. And then their conscience stirs and they gasp, "Mom ... I've got to call Mom!" This is known as creative parenting.

As we parent by phone, we find ourselves listening "between the lines." Are they discouraged? Do they seem extremely fatigued? Are they a little depressed? This is where it gets a bit touchy. You must not play the part of an overly-concerned parent and assume your child wants a mother-load of wisdom. "I told you to take your vitamins..."

Next time, caller ID will betray you when the urge to check in and counsel overcomes you -- and they may decide not to pick up the phone. Hang in there, moms, they know you are just a phone call away if they need you. Tuck in your chin, throw your shoulders back and repeat after me ... "I will not hound my child, I will not hound my child..."

Parenting by phone is extremely difficult when your child is injured or ill. Do you jump in the car or grab a flight and just go? If someone's life is in danger, you hang up the phone and make plans to go. And as you go, you remind yourself to respect the position and privileges of the spouse, if your child is married. This is not the time to take charge and give advice on medical situations without weighing the results very carefully. In other words, you won't don your Mommy robe and assume your child is waiting for you to make these decisions. Your biggest role is to just be there, quietly supporting your child and his/her family.

If they are not in danger, but they've got the cruddy ol' flu or have fallen and broken a leg or have a possible kidney stone, you give them the chance to ask you to come. If they don't, you remind them that you are only a phone call away if they need you. In other words, you respect their ability to handle a tough situation as an adult. They might ask you to come, and they might not. That's the tough part of being a parent -- giving up the right to take charge.

Parenting by phone is possible, even if it's not as much fun. Yes, you will miss out on those megawatt smiles, but you can still see them in your mind's eye when they call to share good news! You may not be there when they are exhausted or sick, but you can still send some good ol' homemade encouragement via packages or handwritten letters and cards. Today, these are considered rare and precious gifts in one's mailbox.

But mostly, parenting by phone means listening. You are a sounding board for this fine adult you've raised, and their keeping the lines of communication is a way of saying you did a great job. There will be times when you are asked for personal input. Take a very deep breath before you open your mouth. While you are exhaling, remember the invitation to advise is a privilege and not a right. Proceed with care.

Parenting by phone means you are unable to see their faces -- but after all these years, you can still read their hearts. As the conversation winds down and you anticipate the goodbye and disconnect, there is one other requirement for those who parent by phone ...

You never hang up without giving your child what they really called for all along ... a sincere, heart-felt "I love you ... "